Predictions in Genomics for 2017

Author: 
The Editors

It's Friday the 13th.  Time for some Gene and Tonic.

 

January 20th (Inauguration Day) - It is revealed that Obama has had a secret biology lab just down the hall from the oval office.  

Genomics bloggers are in a flurry to find out which sequencer the former president was using.  Mick Watson is sure that it was a MinIon.  Matthew Herper reaches out to the Russians.

 

January 21st - Congress repeals and replaces Obamacare, a 20,000 page law, in four and a half minutes. 

A Harvard political historian writes in an OpEd,  "Future generations will look back on this as one of the great feats in all of American history.  Actually, for all human history.  It's on par with the Great Pyramids.   And Republicans did it without slaves.   And on a Saturday."

 

February 16 - Oxford Nanopore announces the free genome. 

"The technology is totally there," says a spokesperson for the company.  "We're still working out the details of the business model, but we know we'll make it up in volume."

 

March 14th  - Vice President Mike Pence announces his own Cancer Moonshot. 

"We're proposing to ship everyone with cancer to the moon to prevent its further spread," he says.

 

April 6th - The FDA puts forth a new policy:  Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

 

May 20th to Nov 15th - Alt right groups found a billion dollar institute to study genetic ancestry.   After six months, researchers at the institute realize we are all from Africa.  The institute is shut down immediately.

"Let's face the truth.  The Left has their gods too!  Can anyone say, Journalism and CRISPR?" asks white supremacist leader, Jimmy Duh, at a national conference to thunderous applause.   "And we're all for both Journalism and CRISPR.  Don't get me wrong.  We just think they should ONLY be used for religious purposes."

 

June 2nd - Illumina announces the launch of another customer.

 

September 20th - Texas and North Carolina ban prenatal testing.

"Are we pro life or not?" asks a Texas Assemblyman.

 

November 8th - After President Trump signs an executive order forbidding the use of any federal funds for CRISPR in human trials, California voters overwhelmingly pass an initiative approving $3 billion to pursue CRISPR in human trials.  The popular initative also makes CRISPR the state emblem, replacing the bear on the state flag.

 

December 28th -  Science Magazine reports on the most common line spoken by American pet parrots for the year. 

"Drug prices must come down.  Drug prices must come down.  Pretty bird.  Drug prices must come down."




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